bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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