When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
