You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
