The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wish my penis had a tongue
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
