Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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