remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
