I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
