He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
