My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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