What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
birth control should be required to get into college
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
