Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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