Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
