No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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