she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
