I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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