So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
