he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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