did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
