i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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