i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
