I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
