Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
