Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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