I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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