I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
