We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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