One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
