honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
