I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
