you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
