we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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