Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need water and some morals
I want a musical about memes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
