1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
