fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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