What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
