So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
