Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
