I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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