there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
