he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well I just put wine in my tea
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
