My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
