Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
