Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
