Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
