I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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