I have demons in me.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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