btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dicks are not precious.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
