I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
