I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize