Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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