i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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