I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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