Betty ford says i'm here all night
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
