White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
