I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
