Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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