pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
