first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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