That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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