i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
