Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
