New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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