Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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