pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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