I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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