Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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