It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
