ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
