Kiss
Puke
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
