guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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