apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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