She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
