HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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