He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
