She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
two words: eviction party
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
