dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
