just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
