but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
