i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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