forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Everyone says I win the strip club
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
