grandma shit on top of the toilet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
