A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
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He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.