??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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