Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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