I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
