weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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